I hope that everyone who reads this knows how much your words, looks, glances, and facial expressions mean.

The next time that you see someone, smile at them. You may save their life. After all, you saved mine.

I jokingly told you to go fall in a hole yesterday.

You said, "Ok. Bye." You haven't responded to texts, emails, chats since.

You've been suicidal for a while. I'm so scared, I want to just cry.

If you die, it's all my fault.

A lot of people comment on how I smile so often.

I put on a smile because I'm waiting for someone to see through it and see my grief, and give me the hug I've been waiting for.

Especially him.

We talk all day, every day.

Yesterday, you accidentally sent me a message about how you think if you had been there, you could have saved your mom.

You called me crying, and you never cry. I lied, said I didn't get the message.

I don't know if I can tell you I got it, because I know it will kill you.

Today my mom was bragging to the family about how I stopped cutting my wrist.

She was so happy.

I cried myself to sleep because she'll never know that I started doing it on my legs instead so it was hidden.